Do I trust Him with my future? With or without big lips? (bare with me here)

      I planned a get-away with some friends of mine, sisters really, about two weeks ago. We decided to go up to my parents place in the mountains for a few days (like a retreat). Walk and talk...you know, girl stuff. But then I started thinking about what I had to do at home to get ready to go: buy horse feed, plan meals, reorder a prescription for one of the horses....the list went on, and on....
Before I knew it, I was so weighed down with all the things I had to do just to leave home for two days, I was already tired and feeling like it wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be, and I hadn't even left yet.

      Then, I came across an article in a publication I received, it was about daring to hope and dream...to look forward to things joyfully, and I felt it was talking to me. I had lost all my joy about going away. Life seemed to be all work and no play, and the weird thing was, I seemed to not really mind it. Was it easier for me to stick to my work and not plan other things? Was I afraid of being disappointed? The article talked about that. I was feeling a little convicted. Did I not trust God with my future, even something as small as a trip away for a couple of days?

      I prayed about it, and acknowledge that God was in control of my future and this trip. I told Him I trusted Him with it all and I wanted it to be glorifying to Him. Not long after, I was really looking forward to going...excited even. I started making plans; what I would wear, what we would eat, and thinking about how fun it was going to be. Then it happened - fear of disappointment tried to stick its ugly head in and steal it away. It started with my husband getting sick - really sick! He was coughing, sneezing, blowing his nose...germs flying everywhere! I could feel them landing on me in bed. I tried not to sleep facing him but I know they were landing on me anyway; the air was full of them....it felt thick. There were used tissues everywhere!

      Before he recovered completely, my youngest son announced to me, "I feel awful, my throat hurts really badly." He looked terrible! He lay in bed for two days, and then started coughing. He was still sick when his older brother came home and informed me that he had a stomach ache. All night he threw up...diarrhea all the next day. I walked around with a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a wash cloth, wiping everything down. I'm sorry to say, I was treating them like they had the plague.

      As I watched this drama unfold, it hit me - I know exactly what is happening here. Each time a new sickness comes through the door I wrestle with fear - am I going to get sick and not get to go on my trip? I had to reaffirm my trust in God's control of my future and that He is faithful to be the keeper of my hopes and dreams...and plans. It was quite a test though. Every time I felt a sneeze coming on, or a cough, I wrestled with it again. Each time I had to give my worrying to God. I almost made myself sick over it!

      I was doing pretty well and then I got a call from my Mom. She began her conversation with, "Did you get sick after you got home the other day?" "No...Why?" (I had to ask) She replied, "My lips are big and swollen!" That's when I couldn't take it any more...it was getting ridiculous...even funny. I burst out laughing! I don't think my Mom understood, but I think I was beginning to.

      I'm leaving with my friends tomorrow for our get-away. I'm really excited! I know it will be a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to fellowshipping with them. I picture us leaving with the Rav4 packed to the roof...all seats filled...coffee mugs in holders...GPS programed and ready...us talking and laughing as we drive away for our two days of adventure. And once I'm in that car, it will be too late for disappointment to win. I will honk my horn as I pull away from the house, and watch it grow smaller in the rear view mirror. If by chance I happen to get a glimpse of myself in that mirror and notice any big swollen lips looking back at me, too bad, I'm going anyway. That's what lipstick is for!