I Remember You

Unwanted
1995


They'll never know how much they would have loved him,
He’ll take no place in anybody’s plans.
No path will ever know his little footsteps,
And he will never hold another’s hands.

No one stopped to count his tiny fingers,
Or check to see ten perfect little toes.
He may have been important to the future,
But then I guess nobody really knows.

His voice will never laugh or sing in pleasure,
Silently he leaves all hope behind.
Unwanted and alone, he is rejected,
No tenderness or shelter here to find.

He was not stricken by some childhood sickness,
Nor was he lost to cruel and harsh disease.
No, he is gone because of inconvenience,
A woman’s right to do just as she please.

Can I let him pass from here forever,
As though he never really did exist?
Unwanted and without a mom to love him,
Someone the world didn’t know they missed.

I’ll adopt the memory of this baby,
Motherly I’ll mourn and shed a tear.
In my heart I’ll hold his silent vigil,
His life to ever cherish and hold dear.

I wrote this poem in 1995 when someone I knew very well had an abortion. I prayed and cried the day it was done and I wrote this poem. Years have passed and periodically I take out this poem and read it...and I remember him and celebrate his life.

It's My Party, I Can Cry if I Want to!

I love this picture of my granddaughter. Not because she is sad, but because it shows something very special about her...she is a girl! She feels deeply! When she is up-she is up, and when she is down-she is down. She wears her emotions right out there for all to see (and hear!) and she doesn't care who witnesses it. Of course, she is only two years old, which is probably why she doesn't think much about what others think of her. We all know that will change.

One day the acceptance of her feelings and the expression of them will be tempered by maturity as she grows up. Hopefully to the point of no more tantrums! Yet, not to the point of not being real and open with others about what is felt in her heart. As women we are not always so open about our emotions. We don't always trust to lay them out for all, or anyone, to see. We ride through our lives in the center lane. That place of safety...not too fast, not too slow. Staying clear of exposing too much of who we really are.

Hearts are tender and valuable; they do need to be guarded and protected. But they also need to be shared. What lies within our hearts is the essence of who we really are, what we feel, and believe. It is where we "hide" the precious things, like God's Word. As we give Him our lives, we give Him our hearts, and they become deep wells of His love and compassion to others.

I have been guilty of staying in the middle lane, glancing too often in my rear view mirror, afraid to change lanes. It is a comfortable place to be, but life itself has a way of moving you over; situations with other travelers or the flow of traffic can move you and adjust your speed whether you like it or not. I have learned it can be a good thing to experience the exhilaration of the fast lane (the wind in my hair), and also to experience the calming effects of the slow lane.

Life is a journey with its many highs and lows, but along the way what a blessing it would be to reach out and touch the other travelers with the one thing that is uniquely ours...our hearts. To laugh, cry, dance, sing, praise, shout, clap, mourn and even get angry. To live life to the fullest with the emotions God has given us.

Running Ahead

Today I did it again…I ran ahead of God. Attempting to solve a situation I thought was urgent, I jumped in and tried to fix it by myself. Now I sit here in a bigger mess than before. As I ran, I brought with me anxiety and fear because I didn’t stop long enough to lay them down at the foot of the cross. I didn’t go first to my Counselor and seek His godly advice; instead I leaned on my own understanding. I ran out ahead and now I find myself sitting here alone.

I’ve been here before, so I recognize where I am. I am in that place I always end up when my navigator is “self.” It is lonely here, and humbling, and the only wise thing to do is stop and drop to my knees, where I should have began in the first place. Now, not only do I need to give this thing to God, but I am giving it to Him with my guilty fingerprints all over it; my sad attempt to fix it.

I feel emotionally exhausted from the run, yet at rest in His presence. He takes this thing from me in exchange for His peace. As I kneel here before Him, I am amazed that I would ever even contemplate running ahead. Then I realize that perhaps in the midst of this situation, He has a lesson for me to learn that overshadows all the things in my life that need fixing. As I kneel here on my knees, I realize that in this position it is impossible to run. Not just hard, but impossible! Try it, it can’t be done! On my knees I am literally choosing to cripple “self” and humbly wait on Him.

It wasn’t long after I gave the thing over to Him that it was resolved. Just like that! He took it from me and fixed it. Leaving me wondering why I was fretting over it in the first place-and why I ran. It seems so small now in comparison to who He is. That is all He left me with…no worry, no guilt; just the reminder that He is bigger than any “thing” in my life.

The next time I feel the desire to jump-the-gun and run ahead, I hope I will find myself unable to do so because it hurts my knees! I have heard it said that the shortest distance between two points is - action. Perhaps there are times when this is true and appropriate, but I have learned as of late, that the shortest distance between two points is a prayer – for God is already there!

Just As I Am
By Charlotte Elliott/William B. Bradbury

Just as I am, without one plea, But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidd’st me come to Thee, O Lamb of God, I come! I come!

Just as I am, tho tossed about, With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come! I come!